We should've just made him use colors to rhyme. Good look rhyming with Purple and Orange and stuff. You can't do that I bet. Idiot.
Is he singing about this guy?
or maybe this one?
I don't know. My roommate likes to talk about how he wasn't really in Back to the Future 2, and they had to be really creative not to show his face. I was just like, "If Marty McFly can travel through time, why doesn't he just go to where they have a cure for Parkinson's." A couple days later, I found poop in my bed. That wasn't too cool.
Hahaha. I love play on words. Because, like Street Fighter 4 rhymes with Street Fighter Bore. I don't know though, Street Fighter is kind of cool.
I usually play with that girl. Especially since this cool new joystick came out.
I don't know about that new Street Fighter movie. It's not that cool. The original had Kylie Minogue as Cammie. She's alright. I heard she got one of her boobs cut off. I'm not really into Uniboobs.
I don't know, she's kinda cool from behind though, I guess.
Is this what Christian's think the real world is like? This movie made $34 million, and I have never seen a more idiotic movie. I wonder what we didn't get to see, that's in the final product. Mr. Rudolph desperately wants to keep up with his neighbor, so he steals a new TV, and gets thrown in jail? The black guy secretly wants Kirk Cameron's wife, and so he gets hit by lightning on his boner?
I mean, that's better than Fireproof. I'm not going to say that controversy is cool, because I'm not sure. But, if some woman started nagging me, and wouldn't give me any, and then told me that it was because I wasn't honorable, I'd treat her the Nicholas Cage way and not the Mike Seaver way.
One of the anagrams for my name is Mini Fart, Big Frothy Shit.
I don't know about that.
Let's imagine the meeting behind this product.
Executive- So, we have to market this as a potty-training tool. The name is going to be very important. If we're going to pitch this to Wal-Mart, we really want it to stick.
Intern (hungover)- Oh man, It's Potty Time.
Executive- I love it.
Executive pitches it to his boss, who laughs and says "Like Party Time. I like it." To which the executive stares blankly and nods, frightened and ashamed.
Some time later, it's on my blog, and I'm making terrible, drawn out jokes about it. I'm still not dropping my goddamn lawsuit. Those sons of bitches are going to pay for taking my idea, and then firing me.
I don't know. I mean, I like Muay Thai. I like Basketball. Parkour is only so-so. I mean, first, it's French, and that's not very cool. Next, it seems like something a fat kid would try, but not be very good at.
Kind of like this kid. You might say, "Oh, he's not trying, he's just being funny." Well, if he's fat, he would be bad at it anyway. At least, if he didn't make that video we would just assume he was funny. Now, he ruined that for himself too. Now what does he have left to be good at, not being able to see his own dick?
That Offends Me.
So, I guess that basketball is cool. Muay Thai is pretty cool. Parkour is, at best, kinda cool. What's the verdict then?
I would like to do something that would show the creative genius that I pretend to possess. That would be pretty cool. I'm not sure how that will come out.
http://www.hollywoodsaloon.com/podcast.html
That was kind of a cool thing for them to do. They compiled a bunch of the early works of big time directors. Not really sure where Michael Bay is. They probably are holding off on a few of the best ones for a sequel. How subtle of a joke was that!? Oh, I ruined it.
Crust's aren't very cool. Sometimes they smell like hot garbage. Sometimes they smell like hot garbage, covered in sweat, mixed in curry. So, they have good days and bad days, I guess.
I was born in Bridgeport, CT. It's a pretty nice town.
Those are some of the locals. I feel well-represented in that video. I think they called me white boy in Bridgeport to be sardonic. I'm not sure what that word means, but I think that it's like a combination of sarcastic and ironic or something. That's kind of cool though, so I'll run with that.
My friend and I went to hang out at my neighbor's house. Her name's Ceci. You might know her. She's pretty cool. We figured we could be just a couple of guys, hanging out having a good time.
It was pretty fun. I mean, you know. Then, all of a sudden a group of people came, and they weren't that cool. One guy introduced himself without introducing himself. That was weird. Then, another girl paused for five seconds and introduced herself as "Pooper."
She looked a lot like that girl from Knocked up. Except, without the charm or glasses. She wasn't that cool.
Man, I just got a bit of a scare. I was driving home in my car. Then, I got a text from this girl saying she had a small gift for me. I had heard that before. I knew exactly what it meant.
So, I told her "no way girl." She said, "I'm serious." So, I mean, definitely not the coolest situation to be in. There's always a solution when it comes to that problem though.
Now, coat hangers, those are cool. Think about it, you can use them for so many things. They can unlock things, hang things, antenna things, cut things, poke things, I dont know, be cool on things?
Macgyver once used a coat hanger to disarm a ticking time bomb. Now it's my turn.
Ceci sent me this. She thinks Kittens are cool. I don't know, I think she's cool.
When this video was playing, this song was playing and queued up with the video. It fit.
I don't know what's going on in that video. I think someone had too much fun making a not good video. I do that sometimes. One time I made a video about these kids being funny. That was kind of cool.
I don't know about alligators. I used to think they were kind of cool, but now I'm not sure. Now they're just ok, maybe not even. I mean, they kind of just lie around in the sun all day, and look really scaley and gross. Old Jewish women aren't that cool really.
Are crocodiles cooler than alligators? I'm not sure. Why don't you go ask Alligator Dundee.
Oh wait.
Anyway, I rode through the everglades a lot today. It was alright. My friend Jeremy said it was repetitive. I said he was redundant. It was funny, because he's a twin. Like, one of those circus freaks.
I don't know, but I will tell you one thing, don't order Gator Bites from a Mexican BBQ place. They will overcharge you. I don't get it, I thought Jewish people were cheap.
I don't know. Valentine's Day is alright. I mean, I guess it's really not that great.
I guess the point of that commercial was to get men to buy women lingerie. I never really saw the point of lingerie. Whenever I date a girl, she mostly just lies around, stinking up my t-shirts. That's not that cool. On the bright side, while you're off at work, she could definitely use that lingerie to seduce a new guy. Good thing I don't have a job OR a girl. Jokes on you Jeremy Piven.
I don't like this. It's one thing to be a convincing he-she, that's kind of cool, I guess. I mean, you are, literally, sticking it to the man. So, that's sort of cool. It's another thing entirely to be a girl that looks like a guy.
That's a guy. His name is Bill. He is the lead singer of a terrible emo band, Tokio Hotel. Imagine how many people have been fooled by that. I mean, as someone that fantasized constantly about the chick from Wheatus, only to find out...
It just doesn't seem fair. I mean look at his hat, who does he think he is? This guy?
So ya, Mr. Bill Kerutuaituizzzz, watch your step. One day you might Get What You Give.
Remember that one time that Quagmire made that joke about Taylor Hanson being a hot girl?
That show's pretty good, kinda cool, and sorta funny... I guess...
It's mid-February, and I'm living in Miami at the moment, so that means that I'm officially beginning to dread the impending summer. Especially now that the cold front has passed and it's already been as cold as it will be for a long time. FFFFFFUUUUUUU. I'm still trying to hang onto it by wearing sweaters and boots but this only results in my having to take two showers per day and deal with a Denali-sized heap of laundry.
Summer in Miami is like being trapped in the warm and salivating mouth of a salt-and-pepper-fur-chested old Cuban man drinking a hot cafe con leche, with a bad case of halitosis. The best relief could be found either in A)stores in open-air malls blasting arctic waves of conditioned air, or B)at the beach. Too bad I hate shopping, and too bad I hate sand. I especially hate prepping to go to the beach, making sure I look like moderately decent white trash because most people at the beach look like inbred morons from a Louisiana trailer park when drinking beer surfside(i.e., Going to the beach is the only time it's accepted to wear unbuttoned cut-off jean shorts and a neon bikini top, even Britney can't get away with this), only to arrive and have my view of the splendiferous Atlantic Ocean be littered with the likes of people engaging in this heinous activity:
Seriously. I don't know what they call this "sport", but when I see men who would probably call themselves a "finely chiseled Adonis" and women who look like they're training to be Miss Hawaiian Tropic, because surely this is an event in the competition, propped up on their surfboards looking slightly uncomfortable in their unreliable balance but confident in the knowledge that they are high above the other beach denizens both literally and in their hot air balloon heads; all I want to do is lob balls of raw meat at them 'til they teeter off their high horses, at which point them bloody steaks would have hopefully attracted a few hungry sharks who will have luckily found more than they bargained for.
There is not one single thing that is pleasant about summertime in Miami. Brooklyn has its free concerts and rooftop barbeques. Paris has its numerous fountains to cool off by and its shaded parks. Miami has perpetual swamp-ass.
Tonight I'm going to a bake sale. It's a cool bake sale though, don't worry. This, literally, ain't your mom and dad's bake sale.
The venue/gallery/location/place/thing has a pretty cool name, I guess. It's an acronym, but its secret. I think it stands for "Oh How Weird, Orson Welles." Maybe, "Oustanding Homogeny, Women Only! Weiner..."
I don't know, either way, its at someone's house apparently, and it's located west of Wynwood, so should be cool. I expect lots of people who appreciate art, but I hope for a fatty or two, there for the bake sale. Then, I'll get two courses of dessert.
Today I have to clean my apartment. That's not really that cool. I'm not the cleanest person out there. I'm pretty close to the bottom.
My first freshman year in college, I lived in an assisted living facility, or dormitory. The guy next door was the filthiest human being on the planet. He was a living sweathog. At one point, his closet became a pile of trash. His roommate, who looked like a skinny kid wearing a fat suit, was always busy asking for kisses from his girlfriend.
So, the guy at one point went three weeks without a shower. This is three weeks of going to bad punk shows, playing basketball in the rec center, and sweating in Arizona heat. I saw him make a crust punk gag. I saw stink waft off his flesh, float like plasma into the air, and kill a bumblebee. He smelled like an Indian Landfill on fire.
So, we took the case to the authorities, the RAs.
The RAs demanded that he took a shower. Instead of feeling embarassed, he explained calmly that he would take a shower, but he didn't have the right shampoo. He offered the terms of his surrender, someone going out and buying him shampoo. It had to specifically be shampoo for greasy hair.
That's him with his brothers. He's in the middle. How can three people look so different and all be so ugly?
I've been watching trailers all week for this new movie coming out. It looks spooky.
I just wonder who the killer is. From the Clues that I've gathered, my guess is:
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Is it ironic that when people talk about irony they always talk about that one Alanis Morrisette song. Do you think? I'm honestly not sure if that's ironic or not.
This guy probably thinks he's being ironic.
But is it ironic to dress up like someone trying to be ironic? Is there a double negative system in place?
My friend Maria is amazing. She is the absolute coolest. This is a picture of her. She's very handsome.
She told me that I should write about things that are recent. So, I decided that I would write about her telling me to write something recent. She is artistic. Her website even has a countdown, like a bomb... of art.
Coldplay was mildly amusing when Yellow came out. A poncho is a lot cooler than a pseudo- Sgt. Peppers getup. Now, they're in deep shit for stealing a song from some random band. I don't honestly think it was intentional. Shit like this is too hard to hide. The melody might've just subconsciously got stuck in Chris Martin's head. He's obviously an idiot. He's married to Gwyneth Paltrow, and he named his kid Apple.
Over and over I get asked what my opinion of this whole Chris Brown/Rihanna ordeal is. I say to people, I says, "Well, she probably had it coming." They look at me shocked, but have you read the story?
First of all, Chris Brown is rich, young, famous, and relatively good looking. Some guy from the Rolling Stones Fan Magazine called him "The Best New Michael Jackson." You're going to tell me that he couldn't find a better looking broad?
But you know, he's a cool guy. So he looks past the fact that she looks like a living mannequin, and treats her right. Then one day, on his way to the Grammy's, a big night for him, he gets a text from an excited "friend." Rihanna starts running her mouth and nagging like all women do, looking through his phone, and after a while, he couldn't handle it. So ya, she ended up getting hit, but how do we know that it wasn't in some crazy dance battle, where she couldn't keep up.
One time, I LARPed with a group of friends. We ran around a park, and hit each other with foam weapons. It probably would've been more fun with real weapons. This is an artist's representation of me as a LARP character.
LARPing is not cool.
Lightning could be cool. Just look at this Raiden:
Then again, it can be uncool, like this Raiden:
How about someone LARPing (or cosplaying) as Raiden:
Hmm, what about someone LARPing as Raiden, listening to Lightning Bolt, in a storm?
